September has a reputation for being the break up month. With dating app, Wingman recording a 34% increase in new users during this month. Personally, I believe there’s never a bad time to get good counselling. If you want it, feel you’d benefit, and can commit – then go for it. But, when it comes to counselling after a relationship break-up? Well, I’m almost evangelical in my enthusiasm.
Counselling gives you time to process the grief, upheaval and overwhelm that comes with any loss. It can be a salve to a crushed self-esteem and a reminder of your intrinsic worth. But more than that, counselling gives you the time and space to examine what went wrong in intimate, intricate detail. And, it’s this inner exploration, after the initial tears have dried, that provides the most valuable insight.
In fact a study entitled Making Sense and Moving On found that women who worked to understand the reasons behind their breakups, were more likely to thrive in the future. Results showed that in their next romantic relationship they reported lower levels of stress and romantic conflict, and greater levels of satisfaction. So, counselling after a relationship break-up really is a wonderful investment in your self-esteem and future wellbeing.
Gaining insights and learning our love lessons
Most of us have experienced a relationship so all-consuming and intense, that for a while we have no perspective about the part we played. But counselling after a romantic relationship break up supports you to do exactly this. What were your expectations when you began the relationship? Do you go for a particular type? How much did you compromise yourself to be within this partnership? What made a strong sense of self dissolve so readily?
It’s not until the dust settles, after the break-up bomb has exploded, that we can see where our own patterns and blind spots may have been. And it’s through gaining insight and self-awareness that we can make a meaningful change in our behaviour. Meaning that in the future we have greater understanding about how we show up, leading to a more fulfilling experience.
If you’re happy to share your own experience of counselling after a relationship break-up, then I’d love to hear them. Simply comment and share below.
