The Power of Closure by Gary McClain explores the very human craving for closure. The yearning for freedom and acceptance that only this elusive condition can bring. But then he flips it round and asks, is closure really all its cracked up to be? In fact is it even necessary?
There was a time in the nineties and early noughties when you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing a chat show guest begging for catharsis through closure. They wanted their mum to apologise, their ex to see them now, or their friend to confess their wrongdoing.
Closure was presented as the holy grail. Okay, you didn’t get your happy ending but you can still waltz off into the sunset with a heart full of hope and positive vibes. But like McClain, I’ve seen enough clients to know that closure is not common. In fact, most people don’t get the apology they so desperately desire. And they are forced to find their peace in other ways. As he points out, if someone treated you badly, dumped you by text and is now reluctant to talk to you… isn’t it obvious how they feel? Is meeting them for coffee really going to give you any sense of closure, or are you just prolonging the pain? When someone treats you shabbily, you do have a definite answer. And that is closure of a sort. Just not the type you were imagining. Not the type you see in movies.
Closure: get honest about why you really want it
After McClain has deftly managed our expectations on closure, he then guides us to look at what we’re really expecting to get from it. McClain encourages his readers to be honest about their motivation.
Are you hoping to bolster a wounded self-esteem, wanting acknowledgement you were right, or is the closure you seek more accurately called revenge? This is all genuinely thought provoking stuff, and it lead me to some reflection of my own.
I think if there’s one take away from this section of the book it’s to get intentional. Before you begin your quest for closure make sure you know exactly where you’re heading with it, and mentally prepare yourself for every outcome.
Letting go of the need for closure
And so this is where we end up. In his no nonsense style McClain explains that the Power of Closure could really be in the letting it go. Or Letting it be, as he succinctly terms it.
Because as McClain writes, you just can’t control other people’s reactions. And relying on someone else to grant you peace of mind and freedom could be a fool’s errand.
And even for those who get closure of a sort, he finds it’s often not quite right for them. They want to know more, and they end up bouncing back for a double closure, or a triple go.In The Power of Letting Go McClain encourages the reader to think about what this is costing them, Could their energy be better spent elsewhere? What is the weight of this mental load they have to drag around, and how does it stop them from doing better and more exciting things in their life. In short where else could your energy be going?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on The Power of Closure, please do comment below.