We’ve all heard the cliches it’s good to talk, or a problem shared is a problem halved. But how do you manage counselling when you find talking hard? And even if you’re confident chatting about the minutiae of everyday life, really opening up your emotions is different. It can expose you to a whole new level of vulnerability and anxiety.
If you’re fearful you’ll find talking hard, but also considering counselling, then here are some tips are for you.
1. Let your therapist know you find expressing emotions a struggle
The right words don’t come easily to everyone, and most counsellors will already have some experience with clients who struggle to express themselves. Simply telling your counsellor how you feel, prior to your session, can really take the pressure off. It also gives your therapist a chance to prepare some tools to help you access your feelings in other ways. There’s the feelings wheel, which you might be familiar with. Or, if sitting and talking really isn’t your thing, there are other creative methods that can be used in the counselling room – such as sand trays, timelines or using colour charts.
And, if you suddenly start feeling anxious and closed up within your session, then sharing this experience with your counsellor can allow you to work through it together. A feeling of panic or withdrawl, may indicate there’s a topic or a turn of phrase that’s triggering for you.
But if nothing else, please know it’s really not unusual to clam up. Counselling sessions are not like in the Woody Allen films. For every client who’s able to sit down and eloquently express themselves, there are many others who will cry, stutter, stumble and generally find talking hard.
2. Feelings will flow once trust in your counsellor grows
I love this saying, and not just because it rhymes.
It is an odd situation to sit with someone you’ve never met before and reveal your innermost feelings. Some people can do it, but most need time to build up trust. Please don’t feel you need to tell your therapist everything straight away. It’s fine, to start with the less heavy things until you feel you have a rapport. I majored in Psychology, and have a diploma in counselling. But I am not psychic and I can’t read minds. And I bet your counsellor can’t either. I only know what my clients tell me in a session. And understandably they’ll only tell me if and when they trust me. I had three sessions with my own counsellor before I felt I could bring my big issue, and even then I talked around it for an entire session.
My point is that you are the one in control. Every session you get to choose how much or how little to share. If there is something your counsellor can do to help you open up, then please let them know. Counselling when you find talking hard, will always be a challenge. But your therapist wants to know ways they can better support you.
3. Don’t be scared of strong emotions in the counselling room
Often you’ll hear people say, “I just can’t talk about it.” But really what they mean is, if they begin talking about it they’ll cry. And while this may feel uncomfortable at work, or on public transport, in the counselling room it’s encouraged. A therapist’s office is completely the right place to cry, rage and, in short, express and explore all your emotions. There will be a box of tissues available and a trained mental health professional right there, with you.
If you think your emotions are so strong and overwhelming that talking might be hard on your mental health, then please do tell your GP or therapist. They can move at your own pace, prepare you for the dreaded therapy hangover or even refer you to a type of therapy that’s trauma aware or requires less talking, such as EMDR.