Self-esteem and neurodiversity is a hot topic at the moment. After many years of barely being mentioned, it now dominates social media, demands column inches and frequently features on the news agenda. Most of us know the deflating feeling of struggling with a subject at school, or of desperately trying to manage a difficult social situation. We can recall exactly how much anxiety and discomfort we experienced. But when you’re constantly feeling different, or sensing that the world wasn’t designed for you, then this can really chip away at your self-worth.
And the studies and statistics bear this out. People with autism are more likely to suffer depression. People with dyslexia are more prone to poor self image and emotional problems. And women with ADHD are more likely to experience anxiety than neurotypical women. It’s a bleak picture. But it doesn’t have to be. Poor self-esteem and neurodiversity aren’t fated to sit side by side. If you’re neurodivergent, there are factors to consider which can help improve your self-esteem and confidence.
To get a diagnosis or not
NHS waiting lists are loooong. And a private consultation is pricey, and not accepted by all organisations. So, before you go down this route it’s worth considering what a diagnosis would mean to you. If you are finding that life is mostly good, you can hold down a job, have close friends and can manage day to day…then a diagnosis may not make the difference you imagine. On the other hand, if you’re struggling, feeling alienated and overwhelmed by daily tasks then a diagnosis can be life changing.
There are also psychological reasons to consider. Serena, an entrepreneur from Suffolk, felt different all her life. Her teachers would tell her off for daydreaming, she found focusing hard, and struggled to work in offices. When she was diagnosed with ADHD she felt relief. Not because of the techniques or the tablets, but because she felt a shift in her sense of self.
She explains, “For years people called me stupid, thick, scatter brained. In fact, I even began to think of myself like this. After a couple of decades, I just accepted that I was a person who struggled with life and was probably a bit of an idiot. But after my ADHD diagnosis, I was able to drop these unkind labels and realise I’m not stupid at all. My brain is wired differently. I swapped the label of idiot to woman managing ADHD, and gave myself a a new lease of life.”
Gaining insight and embracing yourself
“I am badly dyslexic” says Fatima, “and as a result of this I’ve never wanted to draw attention to myself.
“Expressing myself in any way, felt like a risk to me. All my experiences of being in the spotlight were unpleasant and usually related to me being unable to recognise words in class.”
With the help of a counsellor, Fatima was able to see how her dyslexia had impacted her beyond the classroom. Within just 12 sessions, she was able to recognise behaviours which she believes stemmed from the way she was treated at school. Such as her need to always go under the radar, and how she found it so hard to speak out in her job. She also realised that whenever she met a person in authority she was prone to fawning. This had caused her embarrassment, and to lose friends who said her behaviour was desperate.
Yet within therapy Fatima was also able to recognise and celebrate the advantages that her dyslexia had given her. She’s a big picture thinker with an excellent business mind. And this is something to be celebrated. Fatima now sees that high self-esteem and neurodiversity can go together.
Getting the support you need
If you’re finding existing in a neurotypical world difficult. If you feel alone and alienated, then know that help is all around.
Support groups nowadays are wonderful. And the right one for you is just a click of a button away, on Google. From forums which provide a safe space to share our true feelings, to a wealth of information on employment rights. Some support groups even have volunteers who can advocate on your behalf.
And therapists as well, are as diverse as their client base. If you’re thinking of finding a therapist, then counsellors who specialise in self-esteem and neurodiversity are easy to find.
If you want to share your own experience with neurodiversity then I would love to hear it, simply comment below.