You’ve considered the cost of counselling, picked a properly qualified therapist and even manged to find a suitable day. But unless you can overcome the mental barriers stopping you from getting therapy, you might stay stuck. Trapped in a loop of making and then cancelling appointments. Or selecting the counsellor you like the look of, but never calling.
Here are the mental hurdles I most often hear from women considering counselling. Do any of them sound familiar to you?
Others have it worse than me, I’d be wasting the counsellor’s time
I hear this one a lot, and here’s what I’d like to remind you of. Just because your situation isn’t the worst in the world, doesn’t mean your hard feelings aren’t worth exploring.
You do not have to be in dire straits, or mired in mental anguish to be worth a counsellor’s time. In fact it’s better if you’re not. Once you’re aware something is bothering you, and you’re struggling to work through it alone – then contact a counsellor. Please don’t keep on stuffing the feelings down and ending up in crisis.
Many counsellors will offer six sessions, which is enough to explore a single issue. And also a small amount of sessions to commit to if you want to check whether counselling’s right for you.
But this happened to my friend and she managed, so why should I need therapy?
Two people can go through the same life event. But one person seemingly takes it in their stride, while the other needs more support.
This can be for so many different reasons, that I could write reams about it. But I’ll try to keep it short:
Firstly, we don’t really know how anyone is coping, unless they tell us honestly. As you know, just because someone looks fine doesn’t mean they are. One person might cry if they’re feeling sad. Whereas another person might feel they’re at risk of being consumed by sadness.
So this person might purposefully distract themselves.They’ll keep themselves busy. So what you might see instead are behaviours like working longer hours, drinking more, or constantly surrounding themselves with people.
Secondly, our childhood, past experiences, resilience level, and family history all impact how well we manage adverse events. If you’ve experienced redundancy before, but gone on to thrive, then you may well manage it better the second time around. Equally, if you’re made redundant and this brings up feelings of other abrupt endings and insecuriity, then you may benefit from some more support.
I’m not convinced counselling really helps, and anyway I’m just too busy.
It is normal, before taking a step into the unknown, to feel anxious. And if that unknown means having to make yourself vulnerable to a stranger, then it can feel downright scary. But instead of accepting the anxiety as an unpleasant part of the process, some people pivot at this point. They start to create a myriad of really convincing reasons why counselling won’t work for them. They’re just too busy, their situation is unique, their case just too complex for a counsellor. This is one of the most significant mental barriers stopping you from getting therapy, because it tends to shape shift. Unless you can lean into the anxiety you feel about starting counselling, your brain will always find a different excuse to protect you.
If you’re considering counselling, then why not take the next step. You can contact me to arrange a free discovery call lasting 30 minutes to see if I’m the right counsellor for you.