Are you therapy curious? Undecided whether you want to commit to counselling, but intrigued enough to want to know more? Or do you intuitively know you need it, but the myth of the glacial, psychoanalyst from Woody Allen films has given you cold feet? What goes on in the counselling room can feel intensely mysterious, And it’s this sense of uncertainty and vulnerability that frequently stops people from taking the next step.
To help alleviate your anxiety, I’ve answered some of the most common counselling questions below. Hopefully these will help you feel ready to take the next step.
How do I choose a counsellor that’s right for me?
Here are my 3 easy tips for finding a counsellor that ‘s right for you.
All the different ways of working are so confusing, how do I know what’s right for me?
You’re right, it’s a maze -even for a mental health professional like me. All you want is a counsellor you connect, who’s an empathic listener and committed to your wellbeing. But before you get there, you have to wade through multiple profiles, containing myriad qualifications, modalities and claims. It can feel overwhelming for anyone.
First off, make sure your counsellor is properly trained. So you’re looking for either registration or accreditation with the BACP or the UKCP. These are the official registration bodies of the counselling world. So you can feel confident that if your counsellor has one of these qualifications, they’ll have invested many years into their counselling career.
Beyond this, here’s a quick run down of the main approaches, or modalities. you’ll come across when searching for a therapist:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Frequently referred to by its abbreviation CBT. CBT’s central premise is that our thoughts (a.k.a. our cognitions) impact our feelings which, in turn, effect our behaviour. So, if we can just change our thoughts for the better, we can then change our feelings, followed by our actions and possibly… our lives. Or at least that’s the theory.
CBT aims to change irrational, negative or self-sabotaging beliefs by first spotting, and then altering, negative ways of thinking. Your therapist will direct you to notice your thoughts, spot any inaccurate ones (distortions), and then check the evidence for them. You’ll also work together to try and substitute unhelpful thoughts for more beneficial and balanced ones.
Your counsellor may also ask you to complete written tasks between sessions (known, unfortunately, as homework. A stomach-sinking word for many of us who struggled in school.) which should enable you to spot triggers that cause negative thoughts to flood in.
CBT is the counselling modality normally offered by the NHS – probably because it’s low cost and time limited. Clients are usually offered only 6 to 12 sessions. Nevertheless, there is plenty of evidence to suggest it’s useful for managing anxiety disorders and phobias.
However, if you’ve tried CBT and found it doesn’t work for you – you’re far from alone. Many people find constantly capturing, recording and replacing their thoughts is incredibly hard work. Its critics claim it’s just a sticking plaster – failing to go deep enough to support any lasting change or insight.
Psychodynamic Therapy
Therapy curious or not, you’ve most likely heard of Freud. He’s the founding father of psychodynamic therapy. Freud believed that our past history has a significant impact on our current situation. A psychodynamic therapist will ask you to explore important childhood relationships. As the theory is, that the quality of relationship experienced in early life will repeat later on. For example, the client whose dad was emotionally absent during her childhood, who repeatedly picks distant partners as an adult. She feels unhappy about the lack of connection experienced in her relationships, yet has no idea why it keeps happening.
Psychodynamic counselling, is heavily centred on the unconscious and bringing what’s unknown in the subconscious, to the conscious. Here it can be explored through analysis and interpretation.
‘Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.’ Jung
This mode of therapy isn’t normally available on the NHS, so to receive it you may need to go private. Interestingly, this is the therapy that most counsellors choose for themselves when they’re in treatment. Probably because it goes so much deeper than others. If you decide to opt for psychodynamic be aware of the therapy hangover and the financial ivestment it takes. Most people stay in treatment for at least six months, if not longer.
Person Centred Therapy
The last modality in this line up of different types of counselling, is Person centred. As the name suggests, this modality places the client in charge. The therapist will follow the clients’ lead in terms of content, pacing and direction.
Unlike psychodynamic, the counsellor will not analyse or interpret but may encourage the client to it for themselves. The client is seen as the expert on themselves, and fully capable of flourishing into their full potential (self actualisation). The only thing the counsellor has to do, is offer the core conditions.
The three main core conditions are:
- empathy (imagining yourself in someone’s position and thinking about their frame of reference)
- unconditional positive regard (warm and positive feelings regardless of behaviour either now or in the past, non -judgemental)
- congruence (openness and honesty).
I’m therapy curious but not ready to commit?
Most counsellors will offer a free 20 or 30 minute discovery call. This gives you a chance to explain your main challenges to them and gives you both the opportunity to see if you’d be a good fit together.
If, after this phone call, you decide you want to keep looking for another counsellor, then I promise you any good therapist will be completely understanding. A good relationship with your therapist is probably the most significant indicator that the counselling will be successful.
You may have to go through a few discovery calls to find the counsellor you connect best with, but I promise you it will be worth it.
If you have any questions, then please do comment below.