Pop star Jessie J, has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s informed her fans she’s going to ‘disappear’ for a while, to begin her recovery. To be human is to have a body that sometimes lets us down. We are all fallible. From the relatively minor disappointment of being unable to breastfeed, to the life changing reality of a terminal disease. It can feel like our body’s betrayed us. And that, in turn, can have a massive impact on our self worth. How do you regain self-esteem after feeling like your body is failing you?
If you’re a person who’s always been at peace with their body, then it can hit especially hard. Leaving you feeling vulnerable, fragile and with a sense of frustration so intense it borders on fury.
I don’t know what the future holds, or how things may progress for you, but I have hunted for some truly meaningful tips, courtesy of people who’ve had lived experience of illness. Hopefully, these will help on your own path and support you in regaining self-esteem.
You and your body are on the same side, so treat it with compassion
Whether you’ve had a shock diagnosis or you’ve been batting a disease for decades, it’s easy to feel your body has turned against you. And because of this belief we’re then inclined to turn against out body. Women with Fibro flare ups often talk about how angry and resentful they feel when suddenly they’re unable to get out of bed, their body aches all over and they have to cancel the plans they were looking forward to. This was typical for 40-year-old Lucy, a librarian, from Gloucester. But then she went on a mindfulness retreat that changed her way of thinking.
“The course leader there helped me take a more compassionate stance. She helped me see that my body wasn’t annoying me and aching for the sake of it, but because it nedded to rest and reset.
“Once I’d heard this something clicked. My body wasn’t rubbish, it was actually trying to communicate with me. From there, I was able to get into self-compassion, and if my head was aching I’d talk to myself in a soothing tone, the same way a loving mother would talk to her child. Sometimes I’d even imagine a ball of healing white light and send it to the painful area. I know is sounds silly and very woo woo – but it works for me. I can’t say the pain has gone away, but now I know how to manage it better. And I can manage my own emotions around it. It no longer panics me and makes me angry. It’s just my body telling me what it needs.”
So if you feel your body is failing you, the answer might lie in changing how you feel about your body.
Learn about the mind and body connection
Traditionally Western medicine hasn’t given much clout to the mind-body connection. It’s usually the surface symptoms that are treated, and when the pain is gone, the deeper exploration is stopped.
But more recently, there’s been an understanding that of course how you feel mentally will impact your physical health. For example, when I think of jealousy as a emotion I can instantly feel my stomach clench up. Not just constricting, but almost like I’ve been punched. And that’s from just fleetingly bringing the emotion to mind. So living long-term with depressions, stress or anxiety is likely to have an impact on your body too.
If you want to find out more about this fascinating area, then the go-to book is The body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk . I can also recommend It’s All in Your Head by Suzanne O’Sullivan and When the Body says No by Gabor Mate. They’re all great, supportive reads for when you’re feeling your body is failing you
3. Use all the resources you have – because this is when you’ll need them
Most people don’t like to ask others for favours. It can feel a bit desperate and demeaning. But this is the time that when friends offer you need to take them up on that offer. And Rani from Essex, had first-hand experience of this,
“I’m part of a very close community, so when I became ill having treatment for breast cancer, friends rallied round. Everyone was asking me how they could help and I could tell they really meant it. But, no one apart from me really knew what that help should look like. So, I had to take these offers up and ask for very specific things. One friend would pick my daughter up from school, the other would cook a big tray of vegetarian lasagna, and another one would do my shop and deliver it at the same time as she did hers.
“This meant that as I was recovering from chemotherapy, I was able to rest knowing everything was in hand. My friends really got me through that time. Now I’m recovered, I can’t wait to give back to them and to my community.”
Similarly, among the people I spoke to there was a general consensus that if you have savings now is the time to use them. Whether that’s on a cleaner to do the house work, a therapist to help support your mental health or a holiday to give you something to look forward to. This is the rainy day you’ve been saving for, so if you can spend to make life easier for you, then do it.
There are also various grants and payments, you might be entitled to which can ease the cost of living. A good place to start is Citizens Advice.
I’d love to know what you did to stop feeling your body was failing you, please comment below.