Do you ever get that feeling that your life is on hold? As if you’ve been standing in the same place for years? And how do you manage your self-esteem when you feel stuck? When all around you, is constant forward motion – friends switching up their careers, moving houses, having babies, starting business. But you stay…exactly where you are. It’s such a frustrating and defeating experience. It can make you feel like a failure. And suck the very self-esteem from your core.
And I know of what I speak. Because I have been waiting for some important exam results for nine long months. These results will have a real impact on my counselling career, and the opportunities available to me. So, as I (hopefully) come towards the end of this interminable wait, I’ve been realising how badly I handle limbo. How stagnant, anxiety provoking and demoralising it feels for me. And perhaps it does for you too? Because although, logically, we know dormancy, hibernation and rest are all natural, It doesn’t feel like that. In society achievement is considered the ultimate goal, so waiting can just feel… wrong. And very uncomfortable.
If this resonates with you, then here’s what, sort of, helped me.
Tips to save your self-worth
1. Keep a ‘done’ list
I’d venture that even though your life seems stuck at the moment there’s actually loads happening. But it can be hard to see because A: it hasn’t added up to anything significant yet and B: you’re fixating on something else. But if you take the time to write a done list everyday, and include everything, you’ll see there’s real progress over many areas.
If you’re out and about- applying for jobs; going to interviews; working on your website, then these things should be celebrated too. It’s not just the one big win at the end, but all the small steps and resilience that that lead up to that point.
Also, if you’re waiting to be given a job or a qualification, then you are essentially relying on someone else to tell you you’re successful and approved. If you’ve worked hard, and you feel pleased, then celebrate that success now. You don’t always have to wait for the official confirmation before you allow yourself to feel content.
2. Don’t use it as a reason to stop pursuing your dreams
When you don’t have your desired piece of paper, or the title, or the funds, it’s easy to get demotivated. And then spiral into a ‘why bother?’ mentality. Similarly, it’s also tempting to put the next phase off, until the first step is complete. And neatly tied with a pretty ribbon. But if I’m honest with myself, didn’t this passive waiting also give me an excellent, and legitimate, excuse, to not do as much as I could? Didn’t I convince myself that there’s no point starting step two until step one is all done? And while there may be some sense in this, it also allowed me to stay in a comfortable, albeit, frustrating place.
3. Don’t deny the feelings that being stuck brings up
Feeing that life isn’t moving forward, despite your best efforts, isn’t just frustrating. It can make you feel angry, powerless or depressed. Just because the situation isn’t as dramatic as heartbreak or divorce doesn’t mean it’s not a difficult and worrying time.
Only you know how your self-esteem when you feel stuck is affected. And the thoughts you have around your sense of self. But the most important thing is to accept that waiting is hard. Being stuck in limbo is mentally draining. And feeling unsure about your future is scary. Just because others appear to manage waiting with ease, doesn’t mean it’s not difficult for you.