Self Esteem Blog

The book The Kitchen Shrink, with it's pink cover, picture of a fortune cookie, and gold and black lettering is placed on a tray with golden French fries and a large cheeseburger.

Book review: The Kitchen Shrink by Dr Andrea Oskis

The Kitchen Shrink, by Dr Andrea Oskis, is a sumptuous and satisfying book. Oskis, a psychologist and award winning cook, takes her two favourite subjects and skillfully blends them to serve up a treat. In each chapter Dr Oskis recounts her work with a different counselling client, looking specifically at the role of food and … Read more

Pop star Jessie J, smiling without teeth at the camera. She has long dark hair in a high ponytail, briwn eyes, thin eyebrows and bright red lipstick. She's wearing a top which has a black and white paisley pattern.

Self-esteem when you feel your body is failing you

Pop star Jessie J, has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s informed her fans she’s going to ‘disappear’ for a while, to begin her recovery. To be human is to have a body that sometimes lets us down. We are all fallible. From the relatively minor disappointment of being unable to breastfeed, to the … Read more

A woman with cropped blond hair stands in front of a salad and bring a glass of water with lemon to her lips. She is wearing a charcoal off the shoulder top, and a black bra strap and some tattoos are visible underneath.

Orthorexia, and its impact on women

Orthorexia, the interest in healthful eating that ironically diverts into an unhealthy obsession, has gained greater attention in recent years. Possibly, in part, due to the Instagram influencers. All those ‘wellbeing experts’ who advise on optimum nutrition, while having little in the way of official qualifications. And, also sadly, due to some tragic cases where … Read more

Woman with long auburn hair and a straight fringe, sits in a train seat with trees visible out of the window and looks a bit glum and pensive.

Help! I can’t manage my moods

I’m giving my site a refresh soon, so I’ve begun the process of reading over old blogs and deciding what stays and what goes. And I was struck by how I’ve, mistakenly, given the impression that I’m excellent at managing my own emotions. Which is just not true. A lot of these blogs centre on … Read more

Woman looking at her laptop in a well furnished flat

Therapy curious? Here’s everything you need to know

Are you therapy curious? Undecided whether you want to commit to counselling, but intrigued enough to want to know more? Or do you intuitively know you need it, but the myth of the glacial, psychoanalyst from Woody Allen films has given you cold feet? What goes on in the counselling room can feel intensely mysterious, … Read more

Woman with long, curly black hair dancing in a pink crop top and light pink cargo trousers against a light green background.

Self-esteem: Knowing exactly what works for you

The research around self-esteem is plentiful. Here’s what we know…self esteem is improved by regular exercise, and setting and achieving goals. Also, by using self-compassion, and forming strong, genuine connections with those around you. But what’s missing from this list is knowing exactly what works for you. The guidelines are good, but they’re never going … Read more

World Mental Health Awareness Week 2025

World Mental Health Awareness Week is coming (12th-18th May 2025). And we’ll all be wearing blue, and looking for Insta opportunities to show our support. Because mental health is undoubtedly, and undeniably very important. But World Mental Health Awareness Week leaves me luke warm, at best. And I make no secret of this. While I’m … Read more

Woman with blonde hair, wearing trendy black glasses, drinking from a take away coffee cup in a sunny urban park space.

The challenges to good self care (and how to overcome them)

Self care is lauded as the panacea to all ills. Set your boundaries, take a rest and do what brings you joy. It all sounds so sensible and easy. So what are the challenges to good self-care? why do so many of us feel self-care is self-indulgent, self-regarding and all a bit unnecessary? if not, … Read more

The mental barriers stopping you from getting therapy

You’ve considered the cost of counselling, picked a properly qualified therapist and even manged to find a suitable day.  But unless you can overcome the mental barriers stopping you from getting therapy, you might stay stuck. Trapped in a loop of making and then cancelling appointments. Or selecting the counsellor you like the look of, … Read more

Self-esteem and neurodiversity

Self-esteem and neurodiversity is a hot topic at the moment. After many years of barely being mentioned, it now dominates social media, demands column inches and frequently features on the news agenda. Most of us know the deflating feeling of struggling with a subject at school, or of desperately trying to manage a difficult social … Read more

Forgiveness and self-esteem

Forgiveness and self-esteem may seem to be only loosely linked. But dig deeper, or examine your own experiences, and you’ll know that holding a grudge brings up some hard feelings. There’s anger (a lot of it), righteous indignation, bitterness. And, beneath all that, there can be a stagnant sense of guilt or shame. Because, despite … Read more

Woman with long brown hair on an urban balcony smiles at the camera. She is wearing a white long sleeved, polo neck sweater under a black pinafore dress.

3 surprising signs of low self-esteem

When you hear the word low self-esteem, what do you imagine? Perhaps, a woman, round shouldered, stooped, hiding behind her hair. Everything about her demeanour suggests she wants to disappear. But there are just as many women who hide their low self-worth well. So well, they hide it even from themselves. And, unless you were … Read more

Woman with long brown hair looks at herself in the mirror and practices self compassion.

How to manage counselling when you find talking hard

We’ve all heard the cliches it’s good to talk, or a problem shared is a problem halved. But how do you manage counselling when you find talking hard? And even if you’re confident chatting about the minutiae of everyday life, really opening up your emotions is different. It can expose you to a whole new … Read more

Book Review: Do Nourish How to Eat for Resilience

I was a little apprehensive as I opened Do Nourish, How to Eat for Resilience by Sarah Bayliss. Although I’ve long been interested in the intersect between optimum nutrition and mental health, I’m also quickly irritated by the sanctimonious attitude that some nutritional experts adopt. I’m exhausted by thoughtless talk about beach bodies, bone broth … Read more

A woman with blonde hair, sitting on her cream sofa with her dog and some candles lit.

Managing your mental health in the winter months

We all know the colder months can be physically hard. Long nights, dark days, permanently hunched shoulders and a house that won’t stay warm. But managing your mental health in the winter months can be challenging too. And not just for those who suffer Seasonal Affective Disorder. Three months of grey skies and hard ground, … Read more

Tall man with brown hair and a moustache and beard looking into the mid-distance as he hugs a shorter woman with dark blonde hair.

Rethinking divorce and separation

Over the past few decades we’ve done a lot of thinking. And most of us have changed our views on smacking children, smoking on top decks of buses and working from the office 5 days a week. And now it’s probably time to rethink divorce and separation. Once considered a massive personal failure, and a … Read more

Woman with long black hair, and a straight fringe, sitting at a table, leans forward slightly to wards the camera.

What you need to know if you’re thinking of starting counselling

Thinking of starting counselling as a way to see in the new year? Excellent. Hopefully your experience will be as fulfilling as mine. Because for me, I went from a brittle, highly strung version of myself, to a calmer one. And then, eventually, a qualified counsellor. I don’t know if your road will be similar … Read more

Book review: Directional Living by Megan Hellerer

Directional Living by Megan Hellerer (pictured) did not exist when I was in my twenties. But had it, I’m confident I could have saved myself a lot of grief throughout  a particularly dire decade. Because I too could have done with some support in getting unstuck, finding career fulfillment and discovering a life that was … Read more

Help, I’m spiraling into depression

Ever experienced life going along normally, nicely even, and then the next day, you’re spiraling into depression and low self-esteem? How did you get here, and is it possible to claw your way back before you reach rock bottom? The answer is yes. You might be plummeting now, but there’s still time to turn things … Read more

The benefits of low self-esteem

Talking about the ‘benefits’ of low self-esteem sounds a little confusing, and even counter intuitive. It’s hard to believe, as you watch your life pass by, that there are advantages to feeling like this. But there are. The fact remains, that low self-esteem comes replete with secondary gains. And it can be these little kickbacks, … Read more

Woman with brown longh

Surviving Christmas after loss or bereavment

Have you had a bleak year, beset with tough times, bereavement, separation? And now, as Santa packs his sleigh, you’re wondering how you’re going to survive Christmas after loss? If yuletide joy feels a reach too far, then please rest assured you’re not alone. There are many of us out there at the moment wishing … Read more

Not Just Mum with its bright pink cover and bold white font is placed on a cafe table, next to a Belgium waffle, complete with cream and fruit on a white plate, and a frothy cappuccino in a white cup.

Book Review: Not Just Mum by Claire Antill

Not Just Mum is the book you need if you’re planning to launch your own business. But still intending to parent a small person too. Because the author Claire Antill, has done just that, and with great success. She’s a mother of three, marketing agency owner and expert in growing small businesses. And now she’s … Read more

Woman with brown curly hair and a striped t-shirt stands against a wall and smokes a cigarette looking sad. This is a stereotypical image of depression and low self-esteem. But actually a perfect faced and high achievements can be just as usual.

Depression and low self esteem

The twin topics of depression and low self-esteem, give most people the shudders. Depression is bad enough alone. But so often it wants to pair up with another funky feeling and double its impact. Depression leaves us bleak inside, and then low self esteem tells us we don’t deserve to feel better. In fact, who … Read more

Asian woman with long black hair, wearing a white sleeveless blouse, touches her ear while listening intently to her friend.

Building self esteem by speaking out

Research has found you can improve your self-esteem by speaking out. Getting comfortable with voicing your opinion, can have a range of wellbeing benefits – from more authentic relationships to lower blood pressure. But although it sounds simple, we all know fearlessly speaking your mind can be far from easy. Especially in a group, where … Read more

Counsellor Celia Jarvis sits on a pink sofa and has long blonde hair. She is wearing a blue jumper, black trousers and an empathic expression.

What to expect from your first counselling session with me

You’ve dug deep and decided to start counselling. Wonderful. But as the day draws near, you realise you have no idea about what therapy actually entails. What happens at your first counseling session? And is there a way to feel better prepared for it all? Well worry no more. I’m going to put your mind … Read more

A cup of coffee on a white saucer. The decorative foam on the coffee is in the shape of a ghost.

Haunted by bad memories? Here’s how to move on

Haunted by bad memories, spooked by ghosts from the past, screaming in terror at the mistakes of your younger self? Then fear no more. I’ve got the best tips to help you slay those demons, and give you the self-esteem you deserve. 1. Self compassion is your best fiend Self-compassion is simply treating yourself in … Read more

A copy of The Power of Closure, which has an orange front cover and contracting white writing. Standing against a white orchid.

Book review: The power of Closure

The Power of Closure by Gary McClain explores the very human craving for closure. The yearning for freedom and acceptance that only this elusive condition can bring. But then he flips it round and asks, is closure really all its cracked up to be? In fact is it even necessary? There was a time in … Read more

Celia Jarvis, women's self-esteem specialist.

5 things I’ve learnt in 5 years as a women’s self esteem specialist

For the past 5 years, I’ve been specialising in women’s self-esteem. And as you might imagine, it’s really rewarding work. A surprising side effect though, is that as my wonderful clients grow, so too do I. It’s always enlightening on every level. So, to commemorate this anniversary, here are the top 5 things I’ve learnt … Read more

Singer, Paloma Faith, in a white vest top looking sultry and lying on the floor.

Self loss and the path to rediscovery

Singer, Paloma Faith, discusses self loss in her biography MILF, she writes, “I was a mother, carer, domestic goddess and completely self-sacrificing. I stopped reading, learning, being curious and felt I only existed to serve my small children.” Can you relate? Self-loss can happen quickly. Once the dust has settled, after any big life event, … Read more

Self-Esteem Faqs

Self-esteem is a term that’s bandied around so often, in magazines and social media. But actually, really understanding self-esteem can be more complex. So, I’ve put together these self-esteem FAQs. If there’s anything else you’d like to see just let me know. What exactly is self-esteem? The Cambridge Dictionary describes self esteem as: “Belief and … Read more

photograph of Celia Jarvis a counsellor in a session. She has long blonde hair and is wearing a blue jumper, sitting on a pink sofa with a pink orchid on the table in the background

Myths about therapy

There are so many myths about therapy that I’m often surprised any clients make it on to my couch. Half-baked rumours about what to expect can be anxiety provoking, and deter people from getting the support they need. But September is infamous among counsellors for it’s upsurge in inquiries, especially from people who think they’d … Read more

Tall man with brown hair and a moustache and beard looking into the mid-distance as he hugs a shorter woman with dark blonde hair.

Why counselling after a relationship break-up is a great idea

September has a reputation for being the break up month. With dating app, Wingman recording a 34% increase in new users during this month. Personally, I believe there’s never a bad time to get good counselling. If you want it, feel you’d benefit, and can commit – then go for it. But, when it comes … Read more

book called It's On Me, a blue cover with large white writing set against a green hedge with pink flowers in it.

Book review: It’s on me by Dr Sara Kuburic

Summers ended, September’s here, so it’s off the sun lounger for me, and back to some serious reading. And I’ve kicked off the academic year with a bit of existential therapy courtesy of It’s On Me by Dr Sara Kuburic. Kuburic is an existential therapist, and if you’ve not heard that term before it simply … Read more

Celia Jarvis wearing a straw hat, sunglasses and purple swimming costume on holiday.

The lady vanishes – self-esteem and ageing

I’ve just returned from a beautiful holiday, where I was mostly on the beach in my bikini. And while flaunting my curves, as the talented journalists at the Daily Mail call it, I got exactly zero compliments. Also, no appreciative glances and not a single double-take. I was no more noticeable on the beach then … Read more

self care tips, cappuccino counselling, mental health, blog

Getting good at self care, because you need to

If you’re going to flourish after a hard time – whether that’s divorce, bereavement, or simply making it through a difficult patch – you’re going to have to get good at self care. But what exactly is self-care? The beauty industry would have you believe it’s an expensive bath oil or luxury facial serum. But … Read more

Silhouette of woman sitting cross legged in a yoga pose by a palm tree.

Yoga, inclusivity and improved self esteem

Visualise your typical yoga lover, and what comes to mind? Do you conjure a white woman, wearing Lulemon leggings, hair expensively highlighted – possibly married to a man in finance? If so, you’re not alone. Yoga has been colonised. Ripped from its ancient Indian roots and repackaged, as the domain of slender blonde girls. But … Read more

Woman with long blonde hair, black coat and peach trousers smiling at the camera. In the background is a theme park like Disney Land.

Why your looks don’t matter as much as you think

You’re probably already familiar with pretty privilege. A catchy term that describes the benefits of being considered conventionally attractive. How people will want to get to know you, grant you favours, and even assume you’re a friendly, outgoing and honest person -simply because you’re good looking. After all, who can deny that prettiness has a … Read more

Two woman sit on a bed together in bandeau tops and bikini bottoms. The woman on the left is larger and has black skin and black curly hair. The woman on the right is olive skinned with dark brown hair and strong eyebrows.

Body confidence and self esteem

The weather is warm(ish), my son’s sports day is today, and this morning the birds woke me at 5am. Yes, summer is finally here! And so, unsurprisingly, the conversation turns to body confidence. And there’s such a lot written on the subject of body confidence. How to get it, strengthen it, maintain it. And yet, … Read more

Riley from Inside out 2, now a teenager.

Inside Out 2: Therapy for adults

As a way to pass the hours on a dull day, my son and I have seen many a mediocre children’s film. Ranging from the sweet, Lyle, Lyle Crocodile, to the quite boring, yet chaotic, Mummies. But Inside out 2 is in a different league. It speaks meaningfully to both adults and children. Opening up … Read more

Three women in a group standing up and laughing in a friendly way together.

Meaningful connection and why it matters

Hands up who wants to improve their mental wellbeing? You’re in luck because, there are so many places to start. You could improve your sleep, see a counsellor or overhaul your diet. But there’s one important factor we consistently overlook in the wellness conversation – and that’s meaningful connection. I’m not sure why this one … Read more

Picture of the the colourful front cover of How to Know a Person alongside some white blossom.

Book review: How to Know a Person

There’s a psychological theory, that the quality of our relationships has the biggest single impact on our life satisfaction. Forget money, worldwide recognition or achieving our goals. All these things pale in comparison to the massive impact meaningful connections with friends and family provide. In his book, How to Know a Person: The art of … Read more

Couple in white shirts, sitting on a bench near a port with a ship in the foreground.

Self-esteem and Separation

It’s been half term this week, so I headed off to Sweden for a few days with my family. And while researching royal palaces, child-friendly saunas and the best cinnamon buns, I discovered the Swedes have the highest divorce rate in Europe. And I don’t think it’s because they’re a disagreeable nation. I had a … Read more

White woman wearing a white vest top with a brown fringe, partly covers her face and looks confused.

I Love mental health, but hate Mental Health Awareness Week

Mental health and I have been happily entwined for most of my adult life. From volunteering at Samaritans aged 21, to becoming a counsellor in my thirties. Because I truly believe having someone to talk to can make a massive, almost immeasurable, difference to mental health. It’s a job I love. But I do not, … Read more

Woman with brown hair in a long bob, wearing a terracotta coloured top, sitting on a sofa reading a book and smiling.

Social media and self-esteem. Why not take a break?

A recent study from York University has found that women who stop using social media, even for just one week, receive a significant self-esteem boost in return. It’s believed the compare and despair cycle, familiar to all who use social media apps, can send even the most robust self-esteem plummeting through the floor. Even if … Read more

Woman with blonde hair in a shoulder length bob, wearing a a dove grey sweater, smiles and playfully cuddles her son with dark brown hair.

Self-esteem and motherhood

Just before I became pregnant with my son, I stumbled upon this sobering study and was gifted a glimpse of the future. According to the University of Tilburg’s decade long research, it takes an average of three years for a women’s self esteem to return to baseline after giving birth. So, months after you’ve sorted … Read more