Self Esteem Blog

Woman in black top with mid blonde hair pouting at the camera.

The Pressure on Women to be Fuckable

There are as many pressures on women as there are demands on their time – building a career, managing money, deciding whether to have children, and if so with whom. And now beyond all this, there’s a new and pervasive pressure mixed in the pot; to be fuckable. Previously, being fuckable was solely the premise … Read more

People pleasing and low self-esteem

The term ‘people pleasing’ sounds so pleasant. It conjures up affability, kindness and a respect for your fellow human beings. What could be wrong with that? Well, quite a lot actually. Because people pleasing tends to go hand in hand with low self-esteem, and the subsequent feelings of frustration and irritation. After all, it’s hard … Read more

Elise Loehnen's hot pink book, On Our Best Behaviour against a sheepskin rug.

Book Review: On Our Best Behaviour

There’s no denying that girls walk a thin, winding and poorly lit path on their journey to womanhood. The demands stack up like a game of Tetris. Be hardworking but not overly ambitious; make the best of yourself but don’t veer into vanity. Never become a ‘pick me’ girl, but beware! Assertiveness is equally unattractive. … Read more

New self-esteem downloadable available

Self-esteem is such a wide ranging subject, that to serve you better I’ve been busy creating some easy-to-read downloadables. All of them specifically focused on a common self esteem challenges. And I’ve kicked off this new content with a ten page guide on the topic of divorce and separation. There can’t be many of us … Read more

Had a rubbish year? 3 tips to surviving the festive season

Christmas comes but once a year, but My God doesn’t it make a big deal of itself? Trumpeting its arrival in shops, TV and magazines from mid October onwards, you’ll have to work hard to miss it. And the lump of coal stuffed at the bottom of the Christmas stocking, is the expectation that we … Read more

Blonde woman, in white vest top and sunglasses taking a selfie.

Managing your self-esteem on social media

As part of World Mental Health Week, Meghan Markle’s been sharing her thoughts on social media. Specifically, how to make it, “Safer, better and more positive.” And it certainly sounds a worthy ambition. Because although social media can be fun, the facts remain that it’s frequently harmful to mental health and self-esteem. Recent research, carried … Read more

Cuffing Season and your self-esteem

I bought a copy of Red magazine yesterday, to read in the bath. It’s a small treat, after a bad week beset with IT issues, migraines and arguments. And as I looked at the front cover, I thought, ‘That’s odd.’ Because instead of the usual fashionably dressed, slim hipped model adorning the cover, there’s a … Read more

Book review: Self-Made

While I was training as a therapist the idea of ‘self’ was front and centre. We discussed it constantly in the classroom, and throughout counselling placements. In fact, I’d guess, I’ve spent hundreds of hours reading, theorising and considering the concept of identity. But, it wasn’t until the birth of my son that I really … Read more

Woman in black hat, sunglasses and brown coat next to an Autumn tree with brown leaves.

3 tips to picking a counsellor who’s perfect for you

The leaves are turning orange, the weather is considerably cooler and just yesterday I spotted a woman wearing both Ugg boots and a plaid shirt. She wasn’t yet kicking the leaves as she walked, but Autumn is definitely here. And, for some reason, this season always coincides with a massive uplift in enquiries from clients. … Read more

Woman with black hair in a bob, and crisp white shirt sitting against a wall. She looks stressed and is holding her head with her hand,

The pressure of perfectionism

Last month I wrote an article for Liz Earle Wellbeing magazine about the pressure of perfectionism. It explored how chasing impossible, unattainable standards can cause significant damage to our mental health. As I interviewed my case studies, I heard multiple accounts of how the drive towards perfectionism led them towards sleepless nights, panic attacks and … Read more

Counsellor with long brown hair and white shirt half smiling at the camera.

Can counselling work for everyone?

This week I received an email from a woman asking whether I believed counselling can work for everyone. She wrote that she’d tried therapy, a few times, and found it ineffective in helping her unpick her own feelings. Throughout her email I picked up on a tone of sadness and frustration. The type we’re all … Read more

Picture of the book Brave Not Perfect, with ha red cover and white, looping writing against a sunset.

Book review: Brave not Perfect

After a lovely, long August away I am back; feeling refreshed, and ready to return to my counselling practice. Everyone knows a good book is as essential to that holiday feeling as a cocktail on the beach. And I got lucky with my summer read: Brave Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani. I found the writing … Read more