Understandably you might be feeling a little, or a lot, anxious as you consider counselling with me. Talking to a stranger (even a highly trained, one) about your most private thoughts is enough to make anyone feel vulnerable and exposed.
To help you feel confident enough to take your next step, I’ve put together a list of counselling FAQs. Everything, from what happens if I cry in a session to, how do I pick a counsellor that’s gets me. Hopefully, after you’ve read through, you’ll feel at ease, and ready to take the next step.
How do I know counselling is right for me?
If you’ve got something on your mind, or feel the wounds of your past haven’t healed, then give counselling a try. It’s hard to wake up at 3am worrying about your life choices. It’s difficult to often feel anxious and scared. And it’s tiring to hold yourself back in life through self-defeating behaviour.
There is a better way though. Counselling gives you a confidential and safe place to explore what’s on your mind. Your therapist won’t judge, they won’t preach and they’ll work at a pace that’s right for you. They’ll give you the time, attention and room you need to work through your challenges. Until you can plan a future that’s right for you.
If you’re worried about counselling because you find talking hard, please know your counsellor will be used to putting people at ease. There are also other, creative methods, that your counsellor may have trained in. For example, sand trays, timelines or even walking therapy.
Is what I share kept confidential?
Everything you share is confidential – but there are a few important exceptions that ensure you stay safe and protected. Here are the limits around confidentiality I use, as a UK based counsellor who abides by the BACP ethical framework.
Harm to self or others
If I feel that you’re at risk of seriously harming yourself, or someone else, then I’ll talk to your GP. But I’ll always let you know I’m going to do so, before I do. This is so I can get you more support. Whether that’s more talking therapy, a medication review, or a referral to another agency. Whatever it is that might keep you safe.
Historical, or current sexual or physical abuse
If a person has physically or sexually harmed you in the past, and you believe they’re still a risk to yourself or others, then we’ll discuss whether and how to involve the police.
Supervision
Supervision is where counsellors discuss their case load with a more experienced therapist. This is to make sure I’m working with you in the best way possible. It gives me a chance to talk about how I’m feeling, check I’ve not missed anything important, and make sure I’m working ethically and safely with you.
When I go to supervision, I always change the name of my clients. This is to protect your anonymity.
Lastly there are some illegal activities which everyone who works with the public is obliged to report. Because of the amount of harm and the severity of harm to others. This information about terrorism, slavery, money laundering and genital mutilation.
How many sessions will I need?
This varies. A lot of my clients start with six sessions, because they’re not sure counselling is the right choice for them. As they get comfortable with me, and start to appreciate what therapy does for them, they decide to have more sessions. In fact, by the end of counselling many clients wonder how they ever managed without it.
If you’re feeling unsure about how many sessions you want, then ask your potential counsellor about the minimum number of sessions they offer. Also check their policy regarding extending the number of sessions.
What if I find talking hard?
Many people do find talking about their feelings hard, especially if they’re not use to it. But a counsellor is specifically trained to put you at ease. They will draw you out, direct you towards your feelings and have a genuine interest in your wellbeing.
If talking doesn’t come easily for you, then let your potential therapist know. They may be able to adapt the way they work to incorporate more creative methods.
Can I cancel or reschedule a session?
With me, you can cancel a session with no charge, up to 48 hours before the session starts.
Do I have to talk about my past?
I practice person centred counselling, and that means you don’t have to talk about anything until you feel ready. You control the direction and the pace of your sessions. You know exactly where the pain is and what you’d most benefit from discussing. But I’ll be there encouraging and walking right alongside you. So, if your past currently feels too painful or traumatic to discuss, then we can wait.
I’m also a trauma aware therapist, so I prioritise your mental health and peace of mind. When I’m working with you, I’m aware and looking out, for any signs of dysregulation or extreme discomfort.
What if I’ve tried counselling before and it didn’t work?
There are many different counsellors in the UK, and many different types of modes and methods of counselling available. So, even if you’ve tried 2 or 3 different counsellors, you haven’t even scratched the surface. If you’ve tried counselling before, and it hasn’t worked for you, then please don’t be disheartened.
The best thing to do is drill down and get specific about what you didn’t like. Was it the counsellors style? Were they too aloof or distant for you? Was it they type of therapy you had? Perhaps CBT felt like you were constantly replacing thoughts and it became tiring? Or was it more of a logistical issue? Such as your counsellor being far away and you feeling too tired after a day’s work to fully engage? Once you’ve analysed what didn’t work for you, then you can highlight exactly what you do want from your new counselling experience.
All evidence suggests that the number one indicator of good therapeutic outcomes, is your relationship with your therapist. For this reason, if you can afford to go private, then it really is worth shopping around until you find someone you feel comfortable with. Most therapists will offer a free, short discovery call so if you can see if you have a good rapport with them.
If you’d like to book a discovery call with me, to see if we click, then take a look at my calendar.
Do you offer online sessions?
I do. Online sessions are perfect if you want to cut out travel, and stay in the comfort of your own home. My online sessions are priced at £70 for 50 minutes. You’ll need a good internet connection, and a private room where you can talk freely without being overheard or interrupted.
I know I need help but I can’t commit to counselling at the moment, what can I do?
Sometimes life gets busy and you genuinely can’t commit to counselling.
If this is the case for you then I offer a home study counselling course. The course can be done at your own pace, wherever you are. It will be like me holding your hand, as you complete the course and improve your self-worth. Within the course you’ll explore your self-esteem wounds, gain self-insight, and learn techniques to strengthen your self-esteem.
Learn at your own pace, and by the end you should feel renewed, refreshed and confident in your self-esteem. It’s £90 for a 25 page course, which includes a 50 minute counselling session with me.
What if I get emotional and cry?
Honestly, if counselling is going well you will cry at some point. As a counsellor I’m comfortable with strong emotions, in fact I encourage them. But, I understand it can feel awkward for you. Especially, if you’re used to masking your feelings or ‘staying strong’ for others.
I want to reassure you that tears are completely natural. They’re a sign that you’re successfully accessing your emotions and feeling what hurts. I know at work, or in the past, tears may have been seen as a sign of weakness. Perhaps people rushed to console you, distract you or seemed uncomfortable.
But, in therapy we sit with our tears and sadness. In fact, we see them as a good sign and embrace them. We may explore the feelings underneath, unpack what the sadness is about and even where you’re feeling it in your body.
Crying is to a counsellor what sweating is to a personal trainer. It indicates that everything is working just as it should be.
How do I get started?
To book in for a free 30 minute discovery call, and see if I’m a counsellor you click with, take a look at my calendar and book in a meeting.
You’ll receive an email confirming the time and date of our meeting, and then I’ll be in touch. All you need to do is find a private space where you can talk, with a charged laptop and good internet connection.
Do you work outside of the UK?
Generally, I don’t. I’m a highly trained counsellor with an ethial obligation to always put your wellbeing first. Working with clients in other countries can be challenging. I would need to know the healthcare system, the qualifications needed in that country and also check my insurance will cover me. It is possible, but I’d consider it on a case-by-case basis. If you’re based outside of the UK, but still want to work with me, then consider my home learning course.
How can I choose the right counsellor for me?
1. Do a counselling discovery call
Because it’s so important you and your counsellor are a good fit, most therapists offer a free discovery call. As a bare minimum, all therapists should be non- judgemental, empathic, genuine and focused only on you. With the right counsellor you should feel a sense of connection and rapport. This is essential, as it will encourage you to explore your feelings and gain insight. Prior to the discovery call, make sure you find a private space, with a strong internet connection.
2. Look locally for therapist recommendations
If you’re paying for private therapy, then you have the advantage of being able to shop around for a counsellor. So think about what may work for you, and what you want in a professional therapist. Book in a discovery call with a couple of counsellors and see who’s the best fit. Recommendations from friends and family can also be useful. Or even just check out a local networking site, to see who’s recommended in your area.
Finally, I would take google reviews with a pinch of salt. These reviews can’t be verified, and are frequently written by well-meaning friends or colleagues. Due to the strict confidentiality regulations around counselling, it’s hard for therapists to use client testimonials in their marketing. Ultimately, just because they have no testimonials or reviews doesn’t mean they’re not an experienced and proficient therapist. And lastly, trust your gut and your intuition. It should go without saying, but if you feel uneasy with someone then just move on. You don’t need to justify it.
3. Consider the location of your counsellor
The location of your counsellor may feel like a small concern, but it can really make a big difference. A journey that’s complex or inaccessible can cause counselling to flounder after a few sessions. Try and make it as easy and convenient as you can to reach your counsellor. Often it’s best to search in your local area and then branch out farther, if you have no luck.
Additionally, if you want face to face counselling, and have mobility issues, then ask your counsellor about what their building is like – whether they have step-free access or whether they have counselling rooms on the ground floor.
4. Make sure they have proper counselling qualifications
Registration or accreditation with either the BACP or the UKCP is what to look for. These are the best governing bodies for the counselling profession. If your counsellor has membership with either of these organisations, then feel assured they’re thoroughly trained, attending regular supervision and committed to their continued professional development.
Registration or accreditation with BACP or UKCP also means you have an official complaint route if you think your therapist might be working unethically or unprofessionally. .
I know counselling works best when attended every week, but I’m really busy, how important is this?
This is one of the top counselling FAQs. And I understand it can feel almost impossible to get ongoing time off work and/or childcare cover.
Counselling works best when it’s attended consistently. Ideally every week, at the same time, in the same place, with the same counsellor. Of course, you’ll want days off but regularly missing sessions means uncovering, exploring and processing your feelings becomes harder.
But crucially, if you’re in counselling to discuss a traumatic event you may experience feelings that are hard to hold. Weekly sessions will allow your counsellor to help you cope with, and contain, those feelings between sessions.
For all these reasons, I recommend you make an effort to attend weekly therapy, especially in the beginning.
I have heard of people starting counselling and getting worse, is this common?
It’s not uncommon for people to feel worse for a short time after starting counselling. However, this doesn’t mean they are getting worse. It’s a normal and natural part of the healing process to suddenly start feeling all sorts of emotions again. And to have to learn to sit with them.
Any competent counsellor will pace the sessions to suit you, and check how you’ve been feeling between sessions. This way your therapy will be effective and safe, not scary or overwhelming.
On the whole though, most people feel much better once they start talking about what’s been troubling them. Many express a feeling of lightness or relief. Some clients say they’ve been able to untangle their thoughts, or just simply feel better for having shared.
People talk about a therapy hangover what is this, it sounds unpleasant?
A therapy hangover refers to the mixture of ‘hard’ feelings which occur about 12 hours after a session. These can be feelings of extreme sadness, anger or irritation. And even physical feelings such as tiredness, thick headedness and apathy. Although this feels hard, it’s also a sign that therapy is working. That you’re digging deep and unearthing uncomfortable feelings.
Counselling is not a chit chat. It’s also very different to talking with a friend. The point of counselling is to explore your life, and your feelings – in detail. The therapy hangover happens because the hornets’ nest is poked. And unpleasant memories are brought to the surface. It can be a hard process, but sticking with it and emerging the other side has many benefits. Not least improved insight, better self awareness and a sense of optimism and hope for the future.
What do I do if I don’t ‘click’ with my therapist once I’ve started counselling?
When counsellor’s train, they learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. So although this conversation may feel excruciating for you, it won’t be nearly so awkward for your counsellor. It’s a therapists job to get feedback from their clients about how they feel the therapeutic relationship is developing.
Firstly, let your counsellor know what the problem is – for example, you feel you don’t have a rapport with them. You can be as direct as you like, and you don’t need to worry about finding the right words.
After hearing your thoughts, your counsellor will probably suggest you explore them together within your session. If you’re willing to do this, then it can really help the therapeutic relationship to develop and thrive.
Sometimes though, and despite doing all your research and reading long counselling FAQs, you and your counsellor just won’t fit. And you deserve, and need, to have a counsellor you can work well with.
In this case, let your counsellor know you want to end the sessions. This happens to nearly all counsellors at some point, and there’s no need to feel bad. The most important thing is that you find a counsellor that fits.
If you’ve got a question that not’s on this list, then just email and ask. I aim to get back to you in 48 hors.