I’d been browsing Facebook for barely a minute, when up popped a toxic positivity post. And not just any ‘turn that frown upside down’ meme. This one went further. It stated that by allowing yourself to feel fear or anxiety, you’ll be attracting more of the same. So you must keep your vibes high! And that, is the perfect illustration of toxic positivity.
On the surface, the post offers a practical way to feel better. After all, it’s reputed that thinking happy thoughts and plastering on a smile, can fool your brain into feelings it’s better.
But ultimately, this post is poison in its mindless positivity. It’s harmful because if you’ve ever suffered any type of loss, stress or misunderstanding then you’re likely to be feeling a mixture of emotions: fear, sadness or even anger. To suggest these feelings should be avoided, when they’re all completely valid and appropriate, is just wrong minded. And it also encourages us to repress our true feelings. This isn’t just pointless but it can be harmful. Repressed feelings won’t stay repressed for long. You can be sure a public outburst or meltdown is just round the corner.
Toxic positivity and guilt
But despite all this, the very worst thing about toxic positivity isn’t that it teaches us to ignore our feelings. But that it creates a fear in us that we’ll be ‘calling in more of the same.’ We feel terrible, because life is just like that sometimes and then toxic positivity tells us to stop before we start attracting things of a similar vibration.
To heap yet more guilt and shame on an already struggling person, is unnecessary and unfair.
You can feel anxious sometimes and still be successful
Please know there are many people who live a meaningful and successful life alongside managing unpleasant, ‘low frequency’ feelings. Most recently the British handbag designer Anya Hindmarch spoke about her panic attacks . She discussed how she manages them, alongside her multi-million pound business and her five children. This isn’t to minimise panic attacks, but to debunk the belief that if you sometimes feel bad, you’re attracting only bad things.
I do understand the intention of a ‘positivity post’ is usually to be supportive and motivational. However, the pressure to stay positive can cause harm. I’m not suggesting that people fixate or ruminate on their feelings of fear and shame, but exploring them with a counsellor can be a great way to work through them. And if you’re interested in how to feel better without guilting or shaming yourself, then I’d recommend either self-compassion or resilient thinking.
If you want to share your own experience of positive spiritual psychology, and whether you feel it helped or hindered your mental health, I would love to hear from you.